It was interesting to read the emails and comments that my passing reference to Noah’s vegetarianism prompted. I haven’t really talked a lot about it here but it’s an interesting topic, I think.

I’m pretty sure he was born with vegetarian tendencies. Since his first bite of solids, he has absolutely abhorred meat and steadfastly refused to consume it in any quantity. As he grew into a toddler, he stubbornly held his ground. We are a family of meat eaters and, in fact, I’ve read and studied a lot about the human diet and believe that meat is an important part of a healthy well balanced diet. If I had my druthers, we would follow a diet similar to the Weston A Price Foundation but I’m not that “together” and organized. Still I believe in the principals and theories. They make sense to me.

Anyway, all of that to say that I had never considered vegetarianism to be a healthy choice or an optimal choice for me or my family and so having a child born with these preferences really threw me for a loop. I was sure it was a phase and he would grow into it. I offered meat with every meal for years and he never once even nibbled. I snuck meat into meals and he always found out. I remember on his third birthday we ordered him fried ravioli at Olive Garden in an attempt to sneak in some meat and he said “these are good except for the chicken” and literally picked the minuscule pieces of chicken out of the tiny fried raviolis. Eventually he gave up eating them altogether. And, in fact, now he generally won’t eat things that are made with meat if it means picking the meat out. Just seeing it in his food grosses him out.

Calling him a vegetarian isn’t entirely accurate. He does eat meat. To be exact, he eats bacon and fried clams. I used to go out of my way to take trips to Trader Joe’s to buy him the “healthy” bacon without nitrates since it was the only meat he would consume. Fried clams are a treat saved for Red Lobster and Grandma’s house. I’m not sure how long he will keep these meats in his diet but I’ve given up being concerned about it. We don’t really cook bacon anymore, except as a treat. I suspect it is only a matter of time before he is no longer willing to eat even these two hold-outs.

Some time ago, I wrote a post about what all my children have taught me and I think Noah has taught me that the human body has widely varying nutritional needs. What works for one person does not work for another. What works for me does not work for him. My other boys taught me this same lesson: Dalton refused to eat solids at all until he was 18 months old and Teegan gobbled up tomatoes gloating about his love for them, knowing how I detest them! But with Noah, we are reminded with every meal, every day, that his needs simply aren’t ours. They aren’t worse or better - just different. And we respect that, now.

About six months ago he started making some off-handed comments about the cruelty of killing animals for meat and although he doesn’t belabor it, it is clear that this is a new layer of his self and it was also blatantly clear that this likely isn’t a “phase” or even really a choice. It just is who he is and at this point, just two months from turning five, I’m pretty sure he’s in it for life. I’ve talked to a few other vegetarians I respect who have had similar feelings and preferences as small children and they tend to agree. Time will tell but I’ve stopped pushing, coaxing, trying to trick and worrying.

As for meals, in December we started a new rotating menu with dinner themes specifically chosen to be inclusive for Noah. We do things like “pizza night” and “taco night” and “breakfast night” and “sandwich night” where all the kids get to make their own creation. This way he is always included in our dinners, we aren’t cooking twice and his diet is more well-rounded than the typical pasta that was his mainstay previously.

I can’t believe the number of negative comments we have faced as parents who respect a child’s desire not to eat meat. I tend to parent out of the mainstream in many areas much more controversial than vegetarianism but I have never had so many negative, critical comments and judgments over any other topic than this one! People have said that we are letting him “rule the roost”, that he is spoiled, that we should just force him to eat what we want, when we want, in the quantities we decide. People have claimed that we are failures as parents because our child won’t eat meat. It goes on and on. It really is so bizarre to me, the value and control our society still places on food and eating. It is no wonder that eating disorders are still so common. As a society, we value a child who will eat anything in large quantities and then we are surprised when the child turns into a teen with a weight problem or an eating disorder. Even in Vietnam, the one place we thought we’d be more supported than elsewhere (due to the majority percentage being Buddhist and Buddhists are often vegetarian), we had negative and questioning comments directed toward us.

The irony is that out of all 7 of our children, Noah probably eats the healthiest. He craves whole grains, fruits and vegetables and he’s the only kid who passes on the fries at McDonald’s in preference for the apples. His palate is more mature than mine, thanks to my own diet of over processed foods. And yet he is the one most closely criticized and scrutinized by others.

So that’s his story and the story of how I came to appreciate vegetarianism as a healthy and natural option.

I can’t figure out a good segue into our surgical consult today so I’ll just get right to it:

The doctor says Addy will need a full general anesthetic for her surgery. She will not be able to have the surgery until she is at least 18 months due to the anesthetic risks and she will need two surgeries to successfully reconstruct her right ear. He says her right ear is actually an accessory auricle (an extra ear), not a preauricular tag. I don’t really know what the difference is. I was shocked and completely unprepared to hear any of this. All I keep thinking is that this is cosmetic, it is optional.  So after very little thought, there is just no way either my husband or I are willing to subject her to such a high risk option so soon. When she is much older we will revisit things and see what the risk looks like and whether the payoff is worth it. I’m the type of parent that generally believes that cosmetic procedures should be up to the child so there is a good chance we will wait until she has an opinion one way or the other. But general anesthetic and TWO surgeries for an optional cosmetic medical procedure? I just can’t rationalize that for my baby girl.

And with that comes my appreciative sharing of the day:

While waiting in the waiting room with Addison and Noah, Noah leaned over and asked me to show him what part of Addison’s ears they would remove and I showed him but he just kept looking at me quizzically. He would point to tiny little specks on her skin and ask if I meant *that*. I physically outlined the tags and he said “What’s wrong with those? Aren’t they normal?”. I showed him how I don’t have those tags and he said “Oh yeah. Hm. Well I love her ears”. When we first met Addison, Noah called those tags “flower buds” because he said it looked like her ear was a flower opening up. I love that he has always looked at her as completely typical and has never seen anything different about her at all. He loves her and all her parts.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 10th, 2007 at 1:32 pm and is filed under Adoption, Health, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.