Raise your glass in a toast
I’d like to make a toast. But wait while I fill up my glass with a tasty Sangria or perhaps an even tastier White Russian, a drink I’m particularly partial to only because I can’t figure out how to make the Melting Pot’s best ever frozen Yin-Yang. Ok, now that I’ve filled up, I’d like to make a toast….
…a toast to Mothers. Mothers who fill their glasses with orange juice or sparkling apple cider. Mothers who enjoy a nice glass of wine at the end of the day. Mothers who might slurp down Tiger Bear in Vietnam. Mothers who want to toast on New Years Eve. Mothers who order the $2.99 special Sangria at Max & Erma’s while their kids sip on Chocolate Milk. Mothers who have a beer on Superbowl Sunday. Mothers who know their limits but also know they are adults and that alcohol has been legal in every state in the Union since 1966 and, therefore, indulging in such does not make one a Bad Mother. Just like the centuries of men sipping beer on their front lawns while the kids ride their bikes up a down the street does not make one a bad Father. Mothers who model positive relationships with alochol in front of their kids.
I’d like to make a toast to women who, as mothers, are intelligent and capable enough to know the difference between a social drink and getting sloshed like a sorority girl. Mothers who are responsible enough not to drink and drive. Mothers who know that other Mothers can be good Mothers with or without alcohol. I’d like to make a toast to these mothers who, by the way, are the Mothering Majority. Because, despite popular opinion, mothers are not idiots as a group. We are adults, just like fathers. Really. Just. Like. Fathers. And plus also we don’t even need fathers present to watch over us like Sober Babysitters or like my Sobriety Shadow because we aren’t 18 anymore. At least I’m not 18 anymore.
I would like to make a toast to mothering. Mothering is a full time job, 24/7, 365 days a year. We often get little respect and more pressure than any other job on Earth. We work and struggle for balance. We don’t work and struggle to pay the bills. We are expected to be nothing less than perfect and the pressure shows. We are popping antidepressants like they are vitamins, Xanax like candy. But a drink with friends while the kids play? THAT is child abuse? You people - you critical, judgmental society - you are driving us to drink! Haha. That’s a joke (mostly). Because mothers can also make jokes too - like about selling kids on eBay. And really that is very funny and relateable because us Mothers all have Bad Days. And frankly? The bad days make the best blog entries. But also, honestly? This toast is also to mothers who have plenty of Healthy Ways and STILL want to enjoy a glass of red wine with their girlfriends. And how insulting, by the way, that anyone would presume that the only reason a mother could ever want to drink is to become intoxicated in order to escape or release stress? Wow. Just wow. Here’s to mothers who aren’t so ignorant.
So raise your glass - whatever you fill it with - in a toast to Mothers and Motherhood and Imperfection and the end to Prohibition and also to Capability and Responsibility and Respect and Equality. All of those things. Cheers!
As a side note: I can count the number of drinks I’ve had in the last year on both hands. I’m not a big drinker. But I’m thinking, inspired by the Great Melissa Summers, that when I move, maybe I’ll have some social play dates involving wine, even if I don’t have any. Because I’d like to weed out the judgmental friends right off the bat. Haha. As Melissa points out, if you will judge me for this, you will judge me for everything. When I raise my voice, when my kid has food on his shirt, when I am having a bad day or my kid is having a bad day or my house is a mess (when isn’t my house a mess?). I don’t want the judgment in my life, especially not from friends. You don’t have to drink wine with me to be cool. Because actually I don’t even like wine! But think enough of me to save your judgment.
January 31st, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Right on! If I can’t share a drink with a friend without the judgement, then maybe they are not the friend I thought they were.
But I was raised in a house where drinking responsibly was taught. It was not uncommon for the parents to have a drink every once in a while. I guess that rubbed off on me.
January 31st, 2007 at 11:39 pm
More power to you Nicki! I grew up as the child of two alcoholics…both of whom hid their drinking. I make a point to have a margarita or a cosmo when we eat out– especially as a family. When my son sees it and asks “is dat al-co-howl”, I say YES. Why? Because he see’s me have ONE drink….and stop. Which is modeling way better behavior than the alternatives:
1) Pretending alcohol doesn’t exist and that our kids will never, ever be tempted to experiment.
-or-
2) Hiding our drinking, in a hypocritical state of “do as I say and not as I do”
America is unique in its culture of Prohibition. In Europe, children are offered a sip of wine at dinner and the legal drinking age is 16. By demystifying intoxicants, they reduce the impulse to over-indulge. The same thing happens in my house.
January 31st, 2007 at 11:42 pm
I’d like to make a toast to Nicki - who hit the nail on the frickin head
February 1st, 2007 at 12:01 am
Oh sure, save the fun playdates for your Texas friends.
Good post!
February 1st, 2007 at 12:27 am
Here, here! I know I’m certainly capable of drinking responsibly. I was capable of it before I had children, and I didn’t suddenly lose that capability when I gave birth. It’s not like I pushed out the placenta and then followed it with my common sense.
Besides, I think the puritanical attitude Americans have toward alcohol contributes to our unusually high alcoholism rates, as well as our problems with teens overinduling. Personally, I feel like modeling responsible alcohol consumption - just like my parents did for me - is a GOOD thing. Making something taboo just makes it more exciting.
February 1st, 2007 at 12:34 am
Great post! Once I started reading, I forgot I was searching for the code, and when I saw it, I giggled. And, I’m not even drinking!
Positively yours,
Roo,
with a preference for plain ol’ beer when the mood strikes, but oh, I like those White Russians on special occassions
February 1st, 2007 at 12:56 am
Great post, Nicki. I think it’s funny that this is suddenly a Big Issue. Like what, the disposable vs. cloth diapers, nursing vs. bottle-fed, pacifiers vs. thumbsuckers, SAHM vs. Working Mothers arguments weren’t enough to divide us???? Good golly people, how about we all just support one another?!
February 1st, 2007 at 6:25 am
Wonderful post Nicki!! I’ve got the white Russians all mixed up, come on over and have one!!
February 1st, 2007 at 7:44 am
((((CHEERS))))
Thatta girl! Speak up for all of us wine sipping moms who get slapped in the face for being heathens.
I am a mom who has bad days and I am a mom who might have a glass of wine on a GOOD day. I’m not a drunk and I don’t get trashed around my kids. However I will treat myself to a drink, if offered, with friends while our kids run and play hide and seek.
The whole thing is ridiculous. You don’t see anyone slinging judgements against the daddies who suck back 5 beers at dinner!
Bah. I raise my glass and toast to all moms out there who sip the vino or mix the white russians!
((((CHEERS))))
February 1st, 2007 at 8:36 am
Very well put!!
February 1st, 2007 at 8:46 am
Bravo Nicki!!!! I seriously felt like cheering when I read it!
February 1st, 2007 at 11:52 am
MMmmmm Tiger Beer just isn’t the same state side. We tried it once in at a shushi bar in Disney and decided it was out beer of choice (read we drink beer 6 times a year and so if we choose a bottle, it better taste good!) Imagine our surprise when we get to Hanoi and it is EVERYWHERE and tasted even better there… the surrounds perhaps?
On the whole drinking around kids topic:
Does society feel that we have dumbed ourselves down so much that it requires national debate on things as common sense as this. It’s easy folks, and almost doesn’t require comment except for the sheer absurdity of condeming perfectly good mothers for having a responsibly consumed beverage. Worse yet does society fell that as mother’s we have no sense outside of diapers and boo-boo’s? Good discussion/post!
February 1st, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Oh dear Lord. I am so sick of the blame and judging that happens amongst and against mothers! If we are responsible enough to be raising children, shouldn’t we also be responsible enough to know when and how much to drink? Geez, this makes me annoyed!
I raise a glass of Bacardi coconut rum (as I have stated repeatedly before, the best drink on the planet) and pineapple juice to you, Nicki.
Cheers. Kampai. Salut.
Gretchen
February 1st, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Awesome post, ITA! We have wine at play dates and beer at birthday parties…and so far all of the mothers I know are more than capable of drinking alcohol responsibly and moderately.
Oh, and Christina–you forgot circumcision and co-sleeping, LOL! Yes, we should absolutely support one another…we are all trying our best here people!
Prost and Slainte and Salud!
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:11 am
You know what, brilliant post my friend. I love it, love it, love it. It made me smile and giggle. I will raise my glass of vodka and club soda to you, Nicki!! Really this was greatness to me.