Fear & Insecurity
We’ve been having a really hard time here lately. It started right after Addison got sick and stopped sleeping. I assumed, at first, it was related to her congestion. Then when that slowly went away, I assumed she must be teething. She does have two tiny new teeth she got a few weeks ago that are still growing in and she’s waiting on molars but nothing in sight.
But she doesn’t seem to be in pain. She seems downright frantic in the night.
I considered it was just a sleep issue until yesterday when Tony left to go out with some work buddies and Addison had absolutely heart failure. She stood at the back door for a long time, crying huge tears and screaming for Daddy. I tried distraction of many flavors but finally the only thing that worked was a bribery of ice cream. Whatever works, right?
Well it was a short distraction, to be sure. During the two hours he was gone, she would seem to be playing happily when suddenly very abruptly she would stop and start screaming Daddy while running to the door, clearly upset. Over and over she did this. I’m not sure what prompted it. Maybe she heard the dogs bark and thought he was home? Or maybe she just suddenly remembered that he left again? I don’t know but it was horrible.
I finally had to call him home. It seemed like cruel and unusual punishment and I could only stomach so much of it. Right before he got home, she got really clingy to Dalton. Wouldn’t let him out of her sight, clung to him like a monkey.
And although she isn’t waking up hourly anymore, she is still waking up over and over at night and when she wakes up, she isn’t just fussy. She’s hysterical, instantly. Instant huge tears. No build-up at all.
Although she went through a period of insecurity six or so months ago, she grew out of it and has been really secure, happy, settled and confident lately. I just don’t know what’s going on with her, what prompted it or what I can do to help her other than to minimize absense and change as much as possible. Other than that, I’m at a loss. It is breaking my heart.
September 21st, 2007 at 12:12 pm
hi,
i don’t really have anything to say about this post, except i’m sorry you are going through that right now
however i wanted to say i just found your blog, and i stayed up late last night trying to go through all of it!! i saw your video on YouTube, then later i found your blog through 1 of the Yahoo groups i think. Your daughter is such a cutie!!!
hopingforgirl
September 21st, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I’m so sorry…for you and for poor little Addy.
It’s strange how quickly kids can cycle between being clingy and being independent. And then it can be frustrating trying to decipher between normal behavior and signs of attachment issues. UGH. Why don’t they come with instructions? Really.
I hope this phase passes quickly…for everyone’s benefit.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:12 pm
I’m so sorry to hear Addy is having a hard time. I don’t have any ‘life experience’ advise to give you but I think I read something one time about separation anxiety in babies. Don’t quote me but I think it said that sep anx begins at around 18 months old. Can’t remember right now how old Addy is but maybe this is what she is going through. Best wishes to you guys right now.
September 21st, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Poor Addy! She loves her Daddy so much, huh? I wonder if there is a book about dealing with such big emotions for a toddler? Maybe she just doesn’t know how to tell you what’s going on? Keep us updated, hope she grows out of it quickly!
September 21st, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Poor Addy..and Mama. I hope things improve soon. It is so difficult when you don’t know what is causing it. Annslee is like this too..I can’t go to the grocery store w/o a melt down : (
September 21st, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I am so sorry that she is having such a hard time right now. I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting it must be. The hardest thing about being a parent (for me at least) to a baby is not knowing exactly what they need since they can’t quite tell us yet. I hope this passes soon. Lucy goes through many stages of clinginess with me where I literally can not put her down for one second. Luckily for me though, it is not at night time. I guess the change with Tony’s work has just been too much for her right now. Who knows though?
September 21st, 2007 at 7:36 pm
I am thinking of you. That just sounds heartbreaking. I hope things get better soon–poor sweet baby and Mommy.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Oooh poor Addy and poor you. Classic seperation anxiety. : ( Alex suffered from it terribly right around the same age. Time is the only healer. Now he’s Mister Outgoing. Just keep giving her love and she’ll start to feel secure. I made Alex a photo album to keep with him and that helped a bit.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Awww, I just wanna hug that cute little girl! It is weird, but I think totally normal, the way adopted kids seem to swing in and out of these phases the first few years. I have no idea what brings these things on at seemingly random times, but I’m sure it will pass. All you can really do is hold her and reassure her, and each time Tony goes but comes back it will do the same. Hang in there Nicki - hopefully you’re at least able to get some sleep.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Like others have said, this could be an adoption thing, or it could be a totally normal phase. My homegrown daughter was very clingy as a baby, we couldn’t leave her in the nursery at church or with a sitter for the longest time. And even at home, she wanted me right by her side as she played. Sometimes it made me nuts, but eventually she did outgrow it. Oh and she had night terrors too… but I think she was a little older than Addy… no idea if that’s what Addy has?? anyway, I hope this is a very short phase and Addy is back to her normal happy self soon!
September 23rd, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Oh my goodness, my AD has been doing the same thing at night. She’s 10.5 months old, and she will wake up instantly screaming at the top of her lungs for no reason that I can figure out. Sometimes when I comfort her, she goes back to sleep. Other times she could wake up the ENTIRE state. I give her hugs & kisses standing over the crib, but I’ve found that if I pick her up, she won’t go back into the crib without screaming. If I finally get her back to sleep then put her down, she’s instantly awake and screaming and it lasts all night long. She also won’t co-sleep because she wakes up and thinks its playtime. So the over-the-rail technique sometimes goes on for hours, and other times she’s quiet all night long. Funny thing is that during the day she is the happiest baby. It’s only at night that she lights the city up with her screaming. The other thing I’ve noticed is that she does this most 1) in the beginning of the night 2) around 11:30 or 3) around 3:30.
I thought it might be night terrors, but she’s actually standing up in the crib, eyes open, reaching for me. And when she sees me the volume increases, so it doesn’t seem like it could be that?
I wish I knew what to do for her. Please feel free to email me if you come accross anything on this, and I’ll do the same.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:23 am
awwww, it must be so difficult to see her so sad and inconsolable. I agree with the other comments. Maybe she’s about to reach a critical milestone in her development that is setting her off? I hope it passes quickly, just keep showering her with love like you always do. *hug*