As promised, the real unedited version of what goes on in this house on the day leading up to Christmas. Enough with the Fairy Tale.

A little background: our 12 days until Christmas plans were created with the assumption that Tony would be working from home and available to run interference while I ran to the store for supplies or worked with individual children or required that Addy be kept occupied. And there was also shopping to do - for Solstice dinner, christmas eve, christmas day meals, regular groceries. And last minute gift shopping. So in other words, a LOT do fit into a single day. The entire thing would have looked a lot different had I know that, two days prior, I would learn that Tony would have to return to the office all day, every day, with commute. The week before Christmas. After 5 years of working from home. Ok? ok. So now all this stuff will fit into 2 hours in the evening after juggling 4 kids all day. Riiiiight. Fun.

Day 12: Visit Santa. You might think by seeing the beautiful picture of happy children I posted that this was one of those joyous Christmas memories. Ha. We were totally spoiled back in Michigan by the World’s Most Pretentious Best Santa. True we had to make an appointment, true it was a HUGE ORDEAL and they had a staff the size of a Best Buy and a set like something off Broadway. But the results were that you walked away with a FULL ROLL OF FILM, multiple poses of all your kids together and separately, they know how to work with kids who are afraid of Santa (adorable wooden rocking horse instead!), they work hard for great pics and then you get free processing at the Ritz in the mall. While waiting for the 1-hr processing, the kids get coins that they cash in at mall stores for goodies, treats and toys. So the bar was sort of set high, right? We decided to go to the most pretentious mall in Houston, figuring surely we’d get a better experience there. Except the drive was HELLACIOUS. Far from us under the best of circumstance, these weren’t the best of circumstances. I mean bumper to bumper for miles. It was terrible. The kids were starving by the time we arrived. We found Santa and Tony took off to change Addison into her Christmas Dress and ended up at some far-flung bathroom, took so long that by the time he was done, Santa had packed it up for lunch for the next 1.5 hours. SCREWED! So off we went to get our own lunch which involved changing, standing in more long lines to accommodate various tastes and finally walking the mile back to the Santa area. Which, by the way, was just your Ordinary Mall Santa. We could have gone to the Santa up the road. We should have. The photo sucked, it cost a fortune. But they would not let us take our own photos unless we bought one of their’s. Scrooges. Ho-ho-ho. The kids got a really cheapo light-up toy and we headed home. This caused huge delay caused me to miss an important interview I had with a reporter. Merry Christmas.

Day 11: Go Ice Skating. Except Teegan woke up super sick. So what’s a Mama to do? Leave him home and make him miss out? Or reschedule. Rescheduling meant waiting until after the kids all go back to school in January - well after the holiday season.  Because I was already having some visions of all my kids falling on the ice and smashing their faces open, blood everywhere. I wasn’t sure I could get away with helmets anymore! I opted for rescheduling - at least the blood and gore will be post-holiday-season. It’s all about the photographs, is it not?

Day 10: Shop for gifts and wrap: this involved taking the kids all out to shop for each other and for us adults. We have never done this before but I really wanted to encourage them to buy for others and not just receive gifts and they were excited. But I hadn’t planned for the fact that this would require 8 separately shopping trips. Ha.

Day 9: Make Gingerbread Men & Houses. Right off the bat I nixed the houses. I’m home alone today. I’ve read enough blogs by now to see exactly how THAT turns out and with our run of luck, I thought we’d better err on the side of the 2-dimensional. So we made the dough, we cut the people and after Tony got home we went to decorate. The frosting I bought was way too difficult for the kids to do themselves. Teegan had frosting squirting up his shirt sleeves and Noah was whining and I was exhausted and suggested that Tony get the applicator bottles I had specifically bought last year for this project. We have this unpacking argument frequently and it usually goes like this:

Me: Where did you unpack it and put it?

T: I don’t know that I DID unpack it. I don’t remember seeing it.

Me: Well I would remember if I unpacked it and I would have put it somewhere logical. So it couldn’t have been me.

T: Well the packers probably lost it.

Me: The packers lost it? Like it fell off the truck?
T: Yeah. Or like they didn’t pack it and its still in the old house in Michigan.

Me: The house you were supposed to clean out while I was on a plane to Texas? That house? Wouldn’t that mean YOU lost it?

T: Well only because the packers didn’t do their job.

At this point I usually storm out of the room exasperated. I’m pretty sure this is how that particular argument went when I canceled Gingerbread Men.

Day 8: After getting some sleep I decide to Think Like Tony and find the applicators in the first place I look - the cabinet with the candles of course! haha. I find a recipe for frosting. Gingerbread Men are saved! But now we are a day behind. Today’s activity is Homemade Ornaments. I have prepared with all the supplies which thankfully involve entirely things I already own. I sit down to start with Noah and he sees the project and sighs a deep mournful sigh with sad eyes. NOW what? He doesn’t like the project. The ornaments are ugly. He had something better in mind. With paint and glass. So I cancel ornaments, he storms upstairs crying. An hour later we agree that ornaments I picked out would suffice and we are all happy again. Whew!

Day 7: Make 3D and Beaded Snowflakes: again with the nixing of the more complicated project. I can’t find the Martha Stewart Magazine with the cool beaded snowflakes  (only right this minute did it occur to me to look it up online) at this point. I probably burned it the night I Canceled Gingerbread Men. Again, I’m home alone with 4 kids so we’ll stick to the 3D snowflakes. But I’m tired at this point from a week of chaos and frustration. We muddle through the day and I leave to run Christmas Errands and leave Tony in charge of the 3D snowflakes at night. They get done, barely. Except we don’t have staples to finish them off after all and I’m too tired to make it to one more store to get them. They’ll have to wait.

Day 6: Bake Christmas Cookies. Noah and I made snickerdoodles for Daddy while he was at work and other than Addison spooning handfuls of sugar down her throat any time we looked away, it went alright. We made the dough and left the cutting and decorating for the evening. Not too much destruction this night except that my little artists made like 6 cookies per hour and the recipe was for like 6 dozen. But that’s ok. Better a few with intent than a bunch without effort, right? Or something.

Day 5:  Tonight was Tea & Hot Chocolate with our favorite Christmas movie. That movie happens to the The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus. We watch it as a family every year. Its my favorite Christmas tale. I love everything about it. I blogged about it last year too.  We have DVR’d the movie ahead of time, we were all set. So when we all nestled down to watch we were shocked to discover that the movie we remembered was…..different. Dark. Weird. Creepy. Totally freakin’ strange. Controversy ensued, a debate broke out over whether or not this was THE movie we have watched every year for 7 straight years. We watched a little more and a little more - at first just to confirm that this was our movie but then out of morbid train-wreck curiosity. After consulting Google and Wikipedia, we learned that our Beloved Christmas Classic was actually a remake from 2000 of a really creepy version made in 1985. Neither available on DVD and apparently we were just lucky enough to catch the 2000 version every year but this year. And I didn’t even catch that the very link I created to this movie last year was to the original 1985 weirdo version. Sigh. So much for Christmas Rituals. I was just happy that Noah didn’t have nightmares!

Day4: Driving For Lights. This ritual dates back to my own childhood. Here in the south, there are LOTS of lights. Its warm. There are contests. There are services to do this for you! Our community is broken down into several villages that each have a contest for best neighborhood. The winners were posted and I was determined to take the fam to see a few of the neighborhoods. Except we were out of gas so first we had to fill up. Then I was exhausted, no one in the car could see around each other, car seats, the dog, etc. The kids seemed mostly bored and 90% of the driving was just to get to each neighborhood. Now the neighborhoods were preposterously over the top so it was totally worth it. People all hung out together outside, giving out candy canes and sharing beer around a fire (because when its 60 degrees outside…brrrr). Crazay~! I think I enjoyed it most of all, which probably isn’t saying much.

Day 3: Solstice! This is usually our favorite day of the year. Except this year it just lacked that magical feel. We went through the motions, we made the food, we ate. The kids decorated their solstice tree with like 90 gold bulbs. We burned the sun candle. But it just lacked that special something. I can’t put my finger on it.

Day 2: Candy. The day of dread. I put it off as long as humanely possible. Why, you might wonder, do I partake in a tradition that so consumes me with fear? I just refuse to let the Candy Win. How freakin’ hard is it to boil some sugar and pour it in a pan? So I waited until after dark to make my first pan and just presumed it would fail. So imagine my shock when it actually turned into the best pan of peanut brittle I’ve ever made?! The kids were all “Can I help?” and I was all “Only if you want to die from serious head-to-toe sugar burns”. Ahhh the memories. I would like to say my toffee turned out just as well. I can’t figure out how to keep it from burning. Do you stir it? Not stir it? I don’t know. It was better than last year so that makes it a success.

Day 1: Christmas Eve. By this time I had pretty burnt myself out on traditions and failed rituals. Teegan and my Mom made appetizers and I contemplated packing a bag for a holiday in Las Vegas…..alone! This was shortly before the barfing….MY barfing began.

So here we are 3 days later after Christmas and I’m still recovering. Lesson learned? Next year I’m not cramming 12 days of stuff into 12 days before Christmas. We’ll start after Thanksgiving and do it as time and energy afford us. My husband will hire me a personal chef, a personal shopper and a Manny for Christmas 2008 which will keep the kids busy and happy while also making all the food so I can sip egg nog and enjoy the lights.  I’m only half kidding! Because there is more to this story - oh so much more! Like how I got in at 10 minutes before 5 on the last postal day to mail a package and used the self-postage unit only to realize as I was walking back to the car that I FORGOT to administer the postage to my box which I had already dropped into the slot. And the lost packages from Walmart. And the mistakes from Hasbro. And the mistakes from me as I forgot to update my wishlist that led to my poor parents buying my daughter the World’s Most Expensive Unreturnable Tea Set Ever…..which I had already purchased. And that’s just for starters…..

Seriously though, I am totally never sending out a perfect Christmas card again. If you have read this far, I implore you to join with me in sending out a REAL holiday photo of your family being grumpy, cranky, goofy or just BEING. C’mon - you know you want to! I am SURE other people have Real Chrsitmases too. It can’t just be me, right?

This entry was posted on Friday, December 28th, 2007 at 3:45 pm and is filed under Holidays & Vacations, Venting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.