On Worthiness
I’m developing some new routines. One of them is to meditate during Addy’s nap. Or, I should say, during the time it takes me to rock her to sleep and lay her down. During her actual nap, I do other things. Like blog 
I am enjoying the time in solitude in my most peaceful place in the house. Its good for the soul.My meditations have been bringing me to more recent thoughts on the topic of worthiness.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the gift that is each one of our children. I’ve been thinking about the many many life events that had to fall into place *just so* so that each one of our children could come into our lives. It seems so miraculous, such a gift. One slightly altered change in our lives and this child of mine would not exist in my world. I am so blessed.
The gifts that are my children - not just children but each individual child of mine - are so incredible that I find myself pondering worthiness. I have never felt unworthy of my children. I often traverse some plane in between unworthiness and worthiness where I recognize how blessed I am but don’t quite act on it to the level of which I know I could or should. All too often I fall into a pattern of taking things for granted, of assuming there will always be tomorrow, there will always be time later.
How can I, every day, give to my children individually and together to feel worthy of the gift that is parenthood? Can I say yes a few more times? Can I engage them and give them more of me? Can I slow down and exercise a little more patience today than usual? Can I put my own desires aside? Can I let them free even when I want to hold them back?
What is one thing I can do today (and tomorrow and every new day) to be worthy of the gifts of each child of mine? I will never be a perfect parent. I may never even attain the level of worthiness that I imagine must be possible. But I can work a little every single day to acknowledge the gift I’ve been given and try a little bit harder to tip the worthiness scales to the positive.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Wow, you really got my attention with this post. I feel the same way about my family, thank you for putting it into words so well.
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January 8th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I love this, thanks for sharing your thoughts! There are days when I go to sleep and feel regret for not being very patient or giving to my girls. But I never feel regret on those days when I spent just a little extra time and when I went an extra mile to love on them. I could definitely use more days like that. So, thanks for reminding me to count my blessings.
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January 8th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Beautiful post!
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January 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
So so true.
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January 9th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Amen!
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January 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am
This was a wonderful post. Thanks!
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January 9th, 2008 at 10:05 am
This is so true. Thank you!
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January 9th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Well said.
It is so easy to blow everything off and take for granted that you can do it tomorrow (or tomorrow…or tomorrow…or tomorrow), until they drive off with all of their stuff in their car to move to their own apartment and you wonder where the years went (cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue, and the man in the moon…)
I too need to slow down, appreciate each individual child more, and give of myself for their sake.
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January 9th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Taking care of yourself is also a gift to your children. Then you are able to fully appreciate them for who they are without being overwhelmed with life. I like your new meditation! I consider guitar hero my meditation:)
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