I got my Write back!!!!!
So most of you know that I run a collaborative blog aimed at discussing and educating interested parties about issues of ethics in international adoption, Vietnam specifically. I don’t get paid for it, we don’t accept donations at this time. In fact every month I *pay for it* out of my own pocket by way of hosting the site myself. It is a labor of love, a calling. I am proud of it beyond words, I am proud of my partner, Chris, who has worked her ass off to provide rich content while juggling her own large family and I’m proud of our contributors and commenters who have brought much insight, information, depth and clarity to such complicated topics that were otherwise only being discussed on private lists and forums. These things need to be talked about openly and publicly to effect change. I am so proud that VVAI offers that opportunity.
But somewhere along the way I lost my passion to write. I think it happened right around the time a bizarre trend started popping up amongst anxious and frightened PAPs (prospective adoptive parents, for those of you who aren’t hip to the lingo): it appeared to be almost a movement to silence supporters of adoption reform and ethics, especially if they also happened to be supporters of the hard work and changes our government was making to help clean up adoptions. I was attacked personally, my work was attacked, my family was attacked, my writing was hyper-analyzed and criticized in many ways not even imaginable. All from the same small group of five or so PAP/APs. The strategy seemed to focus solely on shutting down those with a voice or those offering others a voice. I guess this was their own version of “activism”. I try to empathize with those who come at me with hostile viewpoints: they were coming from a place of ignorance for sure, guilt in a big way and, most of all, fear. But some of these people were so openly hostile and personally critical that, without me even realizing it, my flame sort of flickered. It wasn’t until my partner, Chris, took a family vacation (read: vacation away from VVAI) that I realized how little I had written recently. Compensating for her absence filled me with dread which is odd since the thoughts and words were and always are flitting around in my brain waiting to be applied to paper or screen.
But it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized exactly what was going on. After an outlandish, derogatory conspiracy theory (whose only goal, from what I can imagine, is to further divide an already faltering adoption community) was posted to the largest Vietnam adoption email list, I got my Write back. I realize that I had let my own frustration and exhaustion get in the way of my own goals and affect my motivation and drive. But that ended yesterday. People don’t have to agree with me, they don’t have to support or visit my websites (not this one, not VVAI) and they don’t have to like me. But I have had enough evidence over the last year to know that the work we are doing is more important and more vital and more critical to the lives of orphans than I could have ever dreamed. This isn’t a debate: its work for protection of our littlest humans who have no voice of their own. My voice will not be silenced as long as tiny humans without voices are still being traded and sold like commodities and used for financial gain by unscrupulous American agents.
Although, like I said, the aim of that bizarre message seemed to have no goal other than to disrupt the community- it contained no helpful, new or useful info - it did have one powerful end result: I found me again! Ahhh. It feels so good to have found my voice again.
And because I have my Write back it only seems fitting and kismet that my friend Melinda was inspired, at this exact same time, to create the awesome Women’s Discussion Panel. Melinda is incredibly organized and has amazing ideas that I know she will successfully implement to create a forum for women, by women, to discuss issues that are important and vital to women. To say I’m excited about this concept would be hugely understating the reality. I woke up at 6:30 am today thinking about it and if there is one thing I don’t do it is wake up early!
The other contributors are all amazing women with amazing voices and I know they will stimulate my mind in ways that it has not been stimulated - well - maybe ever! I can not wait. I constantly have thoughts and ideas swimming in my head and some of them really truly aren’t’ related to adoption (I know, crazy right?) and so often I don’t publish them here becuase, even though my blog is allllll over the place already, they would be truly out of left field. So now there will be a community for sharing these ideas and the timing could not be more perfect for me, personally. Thank you, Melinda, for spearheading this awesome idea.
Expect to hear more from me at VVAI, on lists, on the Women’s Discussion Panel and within the community. I’m back.
March 7th, 2008 at 10:48 am
You go girl:)
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March 7th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Oh I am so excited to hear that you have your write back! I love your insight and view points! I cannot wait to read what you have to say again!
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March 7th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I’m glad you found it again!
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March 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Aw. Thank you. I’m excited too. I’m looking forward to reading all of our different perspectives on topics. And I’m so happy you got your Write back. But I am so glad that everyone is excited like me. I have been wanting to do this for years.
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Hurrah! That is just what I needed to read this morning. I agree with every word you wrote about what’s been going on and I am thrilled you have your Write back. And I’m obviously behind and needing to check up on Melinda again too (after figuring out what this fussy baby is up to!). Yippee!
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I’m so happy to hear you got your write back Nicki. You rock and honestly, the net wouldn’t’ be the same without you. You have great style and are completely unique!
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
WOOO HOOO for getting your write back. There are a whole lot more people supporting and cheering you on then there are haters. Always remember that. You guys do amazing work over at VVAI.
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March 7th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I have an advantage over most of you in that I still get the benefit of Nicki’s wisdom and brilliance even if she does not write it down. I am very excited about her rediscovered passion though, and I am very proud of all of her efforts and her involvment with VVAI, as well as her new project with the Women’s Discussion Panel. Nicki rocks!
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March 7th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
YEAH! You and Christina are such a blessing to this community- one that needs every available voice of reason now more than ever.
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March 7th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I really admire both you and Christina. I hate conflict and I agree that some of the comments and postings have been over the top. It’s why I’m always hesitant to post anything. But, it needs to be said and I’m so grateful that there are people like you out there who are saying it.
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March 7th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
What incredible timing - you getting your write back just as I’m hitting the skids, writerly-wise.
Seriously, it’s a joy and an honor to collaborate with you on VVAI and I love reading anything and everything you write. I wish I had the mental energry to join the new Women’s discussion group… goodness knows I usually have way too much to say on every topic! But I will enjoy reading what you and the others have to say. So glad you are “write” back where you belong! 
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March 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Good for you!!!! Glad you found yourself again in this area. Can’t wait to hear what you have to say.
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March 7th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
It’s so sad how many morons there are out there trying to shut up people with perspective and experience that threatens their own. I’m just glad they finally pissed you off enough to force you back into action!! You have to remember your voice represents SO MANY people who just don’t have the courage to speak up…or, like you said, are helpless and vulnerable and don’t have the option of speaking up. Keep it up woman, your work is important. And it’s PAINFULLY obvious to anyone with a brain that those people try and silence your voice because they’re insecure and guilt-ridden, and your words speak to them most of all. All they can do is try and tear down, decontruct, or attempt to discredit, rather than putting their efforts into anything lasting or constructive. Keep fighting the fight - it’s SUCH an important one.
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March 7th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
GLAD that you didn’t allow a group of people silence you. We all need to be reminded, and we all need to dicuss the important issues that surround international adoption. Change will only occur with realization, discussion, and action. You, my dear, are one of the front runners of this battle. Big pat on the back to you. As you said, an untold number of children now and in the future, depend on activists.
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March 8th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Write on! I’m excited to hear what else you have to say about both adoption-related and non-adoption-related topics. I haven’t thought about much other than adoption lately, so I’m just hoping I DO still have things to say on other topics!
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March 8th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I haven’t been over to read your most recent post, but I am on PAP that appreciates all you do over at VVAI. I have learned so much from the site. I want to hear ALL of the opinions and viewpoints. Glad you got your write back!
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March 8th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Nicki, everyone else said it all! I’m sorry that a small group of people made you feel that way. Your work is appreciated by so many people. I appreciated your advice back in October when I was having a meltdown! I made the mistake of reading the Yahoo boards recently and caught that comment and the following discussion. While I thought it was unfortunate at the time, this is certainly positive. Welcome back!
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March 9th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Woo-hoo Girl- Welcome Back….
You know I got ya, whenever whatever…
I have learned soooooo much from you, with you and through you over the past year. I am so proud to be your friend- bloggy or otherwise.
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March 10th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
You da man! (…you know what I mean…)
Nicki, seriously, if it wasn’t for you and Christina none of us would know even half of what was going on in Vietnam. You have been one of the very best advocates for all sides of this program. Even though you’ve been the target of some of the nastiness, there are probably hundreds of other AP/PAP’s who truly appreciate you, they’re just not as vocal as the naysayers. So, thank you for giving of yourself, your time and your wisdom!
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March 10th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Whoo hoo Nicki! So glad to hear your voice will be ringing out again. And, mucho apologies for getting you involved in that China group… talk about a bunch of people with their heads in the sand.
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March 11th, 2008 at 10:03 am
WOO HOO now what about your write on this blog???
:::::ducks:::::
Miss you!
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March 11th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Yayyyyyyyyyyy! You always bring me insight. I look forward to reading what you write and knowing that I can trust what you say.
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March 13th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Alriiiiiiiiiiight already…Ms. “I got my write back,” where are you? Because I miss your blog!!
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