Comments on: To my knees http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/ Adventures in Life, Love and Laundry Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:09:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: erin http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9393 erin Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:19:56 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9393 I am so sorry Nicki. I read an article today on it and immediately thought of you. I pray this is only temporary for the adoption world. I am so sorry Nicki. I read an article today on it and immediately thought of you. I pray this is only temporary for the adoption world.

]]> By: Kelly http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9368 Kelly Sun, 27 Apr 2008 18:06:20 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9368 thanks, for saying what I have not been able to find the words to say. Despite our recent foray into foster care, I thought our Vietnam adoption was simply going to be on hold for awhile (after all, we were waiting to be told to get our dossier together to send and when we did get word to get it together, we thought we were only going on hold for a few months while we sorted out what to do about our foster kids)....when we received a phone call from our agency the day after the news hit the AP and the day of the Embassy posting and they did not leave a message, my stomach did flip flops. R called our agency back and, to summarize, they wanted to know what we wanted to do- switch programs or write a letter to the main office requesting a partial refund. Devastating. Not only personally (we have spent what, two years, saving, planning, doing the paperchase, waiting waiting and more waiting?) as our dream of adopting a child from Vietnam is shattered, but in a more global sense- as once again human greed and corruption tramples on the lives and futures of the worlds most vulnerable citizens- children. The question that haunts me grows even more demanding of my attention: Is it possible to have an ethical adoption? We may very well never have a family. But I will allways care about these issues and advocate as best I can for ethical adoption reform. Count me in your corner, my friend {on a side note, I know I owe you an email. can you write me at angelsunday@msn.com so I can write you back? that is if you still had questions about foster care) thanks, for saying what I have not been able to find the words to say. Despite our recent foray into foster care, I thought our Vietnam adoption was simply going to be on hold for awhile (after all, we were waiting to be told to get our dossier together to send and when we did get word to get it together, we thought we were only going on hold for a few months while we sorted out what to do about our foster kids)….when we received a phone call from our agency the day after the news hit the AP and the day of the Embassy posting and they did not leave a message, my stomach did flip flops. R called our agency back and, to summarize, they wanted to know what we wanted to do- switch programs or write a letter to the main office requesting a partial refund.
Devastating. Not only personally (we have spent what, two years, saving, planning, doing the paperchase, waiting waiting and more waiting?) as our dream of adopting a child from Vietnam is shattered, but in a more global sense- as once again human greed and corruption tramples on the lives and futures of the worlds most vulnerable citizens- children.
The question that haunts me grows even more demanding of my attention: Is it possible to have an ethical adoption?
We may very well never have a family. But I will allways care about these issues and advocate as best I can for ethical adoption reform. Count me in your corner, my friend
{on a side note, I know I owe you an email. can you write me at angelsunday@msn.com so I can write you back? that is if you still had questions about foster care)

]]> By: Laura http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9360 Laura Sun, 27 Apr 2008 03:10:51 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9360 You couldn't have said it any better, Nicki. I hate this so much. My heart hurts. I'm so much more determined now than ever to advocate for ethical adoptions. Sign me up...tell me how to help. I can't think straight. I'm sort of in shock, even though I shouldn't be b/c not much is a surprise. All in one place, though...hard to swallow. You couldn’t have said it any better, Nicki. I hate this so much. My heart hurts. I’m so much more determined now than ever to advocate for ethical adoptions. Sign me up…tell me how to help. I can’t think straight. I’m sort of in shock, even though I shouldn’t be b/c not much is a surprise. All in one place, though…hard to swallow.

]]> By: sarah http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9359 sarah Sun, 27 Apr 2008 02:41:56 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9359 I hate that this has happened. However, I am thankful for you and your push for ethical adoptions. You will lead and hopefully others will follow the hard work that's ahead. Things must change. The children in Vietnam must not be forgotten. Yes, right now it's difficult to get over the shock. It really feels like a death. I hate that this has happened. However, I am thankful for you and your push for ethical adoptions. You will lead and hopefully others will follow the hard work that’s ahead. Things must change. The children in Vietnam must not be forgotten.

Yes, right now it’s difficult to get over the shock. It really feels like a death.

]]> By: Elizabeth http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9356 Elizabeth Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:39:05 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9356 I agree Nicki. This week has been bitter-sweet for me in some ways. We are preparing to bring our son home from Vietnam, but are doing so in the midst of an absolute mess. I am confident that both of our sons's adoptions are/were ethical, but even with our reputable agency, I can never say that I am 100% sure, can I? It makes me angry that others have taken away that ability to say for absolutely sure. It also breaks my heart for the children who have been affected and for the children who are genuine orphans who may be losing out on any chance of finding a family to call their own. No one wins in a situation like this. I agree Nicki. This week has been bitter-sweet for me in some ways. We are preparing to bring our son home from Vietnam, but are doing so in the midst of an absolute mess. I am confident that both of our sons’s adoptions are/were ethical, but even with our reputable agency, I can never say that I am 100% sure, can I? It makes me angry that others have taken away that ability to say for absolutely sure. It also breaks my heart for the children who have been affected and for the children who are genuine orphans who may be losing out on any chance of finding a family to call their own. No one wins in a situation like this.

]]> By: jena http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9355 jena Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:17:39 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9355 Get me on board the action train, lady. The only way I know how to deal with this is to say/know that I did everything I could do to change the situation and to make a difference in international adoptions. I know exactly what you mean, and have cried random tears countless times over the past couple of days. Get me on board the action train, lady. The only way I know how to deal with this is to say/know that I did everything I could do to change the situation and to make a difference in international adoptions.
I know exactly what you mean, and have cried random tears countless times over the past couple of days.

]]> By: Laura http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9349 Laura Sat, 26 Apr 2008 20:14:13 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9349 I think you wrote beautifully what we all are thinking. We have waited 18 months for a referral and really thought even if they shut down on 9/1 we would still be allowed to proceed. Now I don't know what we will do. I am sad for us, for the children mainly and for all the families in VN. I think you wrote beautifully what we all are thinking. We have waited 18 months for a referral and really thought even if they shut down on 9/1 we would still be allowed to proceed. Now I don’t know what we will do. I am sad for us, for the children mainly and for all the families in VN.

]]> By: Francine http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9346 Francine Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:59:04 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9346 Nicki, I share your sadness today. Our hopes of having a second child have been dashed. I don't know what we will do now, if anything. When we chose Vietnam (switching from China) we were aware that there were some issues and some bad players. We tried to follow the advice of those like yourself. We painstakingly researched agencies, asked all the tough questions, checked them out on the web, looked for all the red flags and chose one that we felt (and still feel) was ethical. Despite the problems, I was encouraged by all those who were working to make the system better and more transparent. I am still unsure of exactly how corrupt the system was, but certainly there were things going on that no country, agency or PAP should tolerate. I know that you have been unjustly attacked for trying to expose and actively fight the corruption in the system. There are those who preferred to not ask questions, so that they could fulfill their dreams. They felt safer if no one made waves until they were safely home with their children. Those individuals were very short-sighted and failed to realize that such attitudes serve no one. Bad things do happen when good people say nothing. What is most frustrating to me is that I know that there were good ethical agencies, APs and others that were working hard to solve the problems and could have been successful if only given the chance and support by both governments. Nicki, thank you for all you have done. I think we are finished pursuing international adoption, but I hope that one day the system will indeed serve to find homes for children who truly need them and those that seek to subvert that system for profit will be precluded from doing so. Nicki, I share your sadness today. Our hopes of having a second child have been dashed. I don’t know what we will do now, if anything. When we chose Vietnam (switching from China) we were aware that there were some issues and some bad players. We tried to follow the advice of those like yourself. We painstakingly researched agencies, asked all the tough questions, checked them out on the web, looked for all the red flags and chose one that we felt (and still feel) was ethical. Despite the problems, I was encouraged by all those who were working to make the system better and more transparent. I am still unsure of exactly how corrupt the system was, but certainly there were things going on that no country, agency or PAP should tolerate. I know that you have been unjustly attacked for trying to expose and actively fight the corruption in the system. There are those who preferred to not ask questions, so that they could fulfill their dreams. They felt safer if no one made waves until they were safely home with their children. Those individuals were very short-sighted and failed to realize that such attitudes serve no one. Bad things do happen when good people say nothing. What is most frustrating to me is that I know that there were good ethical agencies, APs and others that were working hard to solve the problems and could have been successful if only given the chance and support by both governments. Nicki, thank you for all you have done. I think we are finished pursuing international adoption, but I hope that one day the system will indeed serve to find homes for children who truly need them and those that seek to subvert that system for profit will be precluded from doing so.

]]> By: Kelli http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9344 Kelli Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:47:30 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9344 Thanks for all you do Nicki. I am emotionally exhausted, desparately want to be a mom, but am starting to feel the call to action as well.... Thanks for all you do Nicki. I am emotionally exhausted, desparately want to be a mom, but am starting to feel the call to action as well….

]]> By: HeatherL http://www.steppingonlegos.com/2008/04/25/to-my-knees/#comment-9343 HeatherL Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:18:53 +0000 http://www.steppingonlegos.com/?p=669#comment-9343 Nicki, I haven't read the article and don't know much about adoption. What I do know I have learned from you. I know your heart is truly in what you do and my thoughts are with you and know that I am hugging you right now. Miss you. Nicki, I haven’t read the article and don’t know much about adoption. What I do know I have learned from you. I know your heart is truly in what you do and my thoughts are with you and know that I am hugging you right now. Miss you.

]]>