A: One bite at a time.

The night after my birthmom dream, I had another odd dream. This one spoke to me with a sort of premonition in the form of the above question and answer. Very odd, no? Almost laughably odd. I talked to my husband about its meaning and we pondered whether it might be related to what is going on in adoptions, my own personal goals that always seem to overwhelm me, etc. I got my answer only a few hours later when my husband called to tell me he lost his job.

If you know me, you probably are very worried about me right about now but let me reassure you that I’m doing just fine. Excellent, in fact. I took this news in, sat on it, thought about it, processed it and moved on.  Almost like an adult! I just took it in, one bite at a time. And then I did the most amazing thing: I looked at the bright side.  The bright side was so bright it was almost blindingly bright. I have to strain to see the not-bright-side (the dark side?). How did this happen?

I woke up the next morning, bright and early, got my dog and left for a walk. I listened to the birds sing, the frogs croak and the lizards scurry through the brush. I walked with my eyes closed, letting my dog guide me. I soaked in the sun on my face, felt the breeze blow my hair. I filled my lungs all the way full with air and realized how infrequently that happens. It was the most exhilirating walk of my life (and incidentally the first bit of exercise I’ve voluntarily embarked on that did not involve shopping in several years!). It was positively meditative. This morning I did the same. It was much warmer, my out-of-shape muscles actually ached a bit, but equally as exhilirating.  Without even meaning to, exercise and meditation - the top two goals on my own personal goals list - checked off. No pain, no sacrifice, no frustration or resentment. Just pure bliss.

I have a suddenly renewed sense of hope about adoptions in Vietnam. I am dedicated to working on a DNA banking project that I will hopefully have more information to share shortly. I am dedicated to actively working with my government officials in whatever capacity they will have me  - whether it is just letting writing campaigns or more - toward building a better, stronger and more ethical MOU with Vietnam. While maybe bridge-building is not quite happening yet, I feel like there is still evidence of forward movement and this gives me hope for the future of the legitimate orphans in Vietnam. I am tackling these issues systematically and in an organized and methodical way: one bite at a time. And just like that, things seem hopeful again.

Can I blame this all on a dream? Yeah, pretty much. I can’t really explain it any other way. I’ve had normal nights of sleep ever since. And I really know now that if my dreams talk, I’d better listen.  And also that I don’t need to try too hard to read into them or analyze them: their meaning, if they are meant to mean something (as opposed to my normal dreams that are just dreams) will be abundantly clear.

Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown.

None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and wearness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labour’s end.

Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others.

Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered.

Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds.

Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.

Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are.

Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather then blame and condemnation.

You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remose nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on.

Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.

Dhammavadaka

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 1st, 2008 at 8:11 pm and is filed under Adoption, Other Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.