Yesterday I almost died
You know, I’ve heard people say that as you get older, you become more relaxed and laid back about certain things. I haven’t found that to be true, so much. For me, I was young and naive (read: stupid) and that led to a certain fearlessness that I miss so much now. I can’t say anything particularly traumatic happened in the last 15 years but as the years go on, I feel more anxious, more fearful about mortality (my own and my kids), generally less at ease.
Lately I’ve had to face some of my anxieties head on. A few days ago I sat outside on my patio and watched Noah swim in the pool, alone. This was a hard one. I was ready to jump in, fully clothed, to save him at any moment. He was darting back and forth through the water, flipping around, laughing and splashing and I was ready so sure was I that he would drown at any moment. He made it out in one piece, a few hours later. I had a headache.
Yesterday we were all in the pool together which generally brings down my anxiety level at least a bit. I was diving into the deep end, doing a little handstand on the bottom and flipping around to come up to the surface when I NAILED my head on the edge of a Bilibo floating by. It hurt so bad that I instantly feared I might pass out right there in the deep end before I could come up to the surface and probably my family would not notice soon enough because as busy as I was keeping on eye on all of them, no one was keeping an eye on me. Oh the drama! In that split second I considered that this could easily be another story of an accidental drowning death - a variation on the “hit head on bottom of pool” story. But I saw the light (the sky this time) and came to the surface where I writhed in pain and whined and complained until I dragged myself out of the pool a half hour later. I am still in agony today, jacked up on pain meds (ok, Motrin but that counts right?).
Ok so it wasn’t such a brush with death but it still hurt like hell and I have the agony to remind me of it all day today.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
Wow- I’m really glad you’re OK. That would have scared me, too! But I’m such a pansy that I wouldn’t be in the deep end anyway. Not a swimmer. I figure the best way to avoid drowning is not to get in. So, you’re already braver than I am!
I agree with you that as I’ve gotten older, I think I’ve become more anxious about things, not less- especially about my kids.
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June 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I know what you mean, about being aware of your own mortality once you have kids. I drive differently now. I’m so security conscious. I’m terrified that something might happen to me, (so my kids would suffer), or something happening to them. Definitely no bungee jumping for me anytime soon. Dad’s don’t feel the same way though, must be a ‘mom’ thing
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June 3rd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I am also more fearful now that I am a (new) parent. I have a strange syrup allergy that causes me to sneeze when I eat foods with syrup. A few months ago I felt my throat closing up a little and realized that I could have some sort of major allergic reaction, and there my daughter would be, alone and unable to dial 911. Agh!
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June 3rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Wow, that was such a close call. Glad your still with us Nicki!!
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June 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
OUCH! Sorry to hear that. I know what you mean about being more aware about morality. Some days I nearly have panic attacks because I always have the ‘worst case scenario’ playing in my head when it comes to my kids.
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June 3rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
My husband thinks I’m kidding when I tell him I’m working on upgrading my undiagnosed cases of anxiety disorder and OCD to full-fledged agoraphobia. Well, I’m NOT kidding. I can’t wait until I’m allowed to stay home in my bathrobe all day everyday :).
Might you have a concussion? I hope you’ll be feeling better soon.
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June 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Uh-huh, I really do know what you mean about the whole mortality awareness thing. It’s scary stuff! And as far as the pool incident is concerned, I need to call your family and tell them to keep a better eye on you. Shame on those people! Hope your head is much better by now.
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June 4th, 2008 at 12:15 am
ouch. That would have freaked me out too. I’m definitely more paranoid these days - I get these images of my kids having to grow up without a mom and it makes me so sad and kind of panicky. Anyway, I’m really glad you are okay!
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June 4th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Glad you are okay!
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June 4th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I totally relate…I don’t like it, but I think I’m losing some of my adventurous nature because of fear that my kids won’t grow up with 2 parents or something. Ugh, I hate growing up. I hate becoming a responsible human being.
I hope your head feels better!! That stinks!
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June 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Would have scared me too! I am so glad that you are ok even if you had to take some Motrin!
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June 4th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Ouch!
that would scare me–glad that you made it out with a headache.
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June 4th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Glad you’re still with us. Especially as I just “found” your photo blog and had such a fun time browsing those great pics! We are shopping around for a new camera so we can capture every moment of our VN trip (and every single moment thereafter). Any suggestions?
We also have a pool and it freaks me out sometimes just thinking about the worry we will feel when we get our son home with us.
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June 6th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
[...] Shave 10 Years Off of Your Life I could have titled this post, Yesterday I Almost Died, but Nicki almost died before I almost died, so she beat me to the title! As I posted last night, we had [...]