Friday we went to the park. Snakes were caught, some big, some small. None venomous….this time. Whew. Little did I know this would be the least of my concerns. Friday night I made note of a bug bite on Teegan’s leg that was swollen. It wasn’t bothering him so I didn’t feel too concerned. He tends to be overly allergic to mosquitoes so I assumed it was just his usual mosquito reaction.

Saturday, the bite had doubled in size. Into the ER we went, with thoughts of black widows or worse, brown recluses, on my mind. No, it was just a bite, they assured me. I think this was supposed to be reassuring but all I could think of was that if his body reacted this way to a simple bug bite, how might it react to venom? I do know that all bug reactions aren’t made the same. Right below the mystery bite was a red ant bite. Some people have serious reactions to those and, go figure, Teegan’s was fairly typical. We were sent on our way with oral steroids but told it would resolve on its own either way so we held off on the steroids.

Saturday night I watched as it grew bigger and bigger and bigger and basically took over his leg between ankle and knee. I have to admit I was totally freaked out. Finally a dose of oral Bendaryl (which we have now been instructed to give whenEVER he is bit by any bug) stopped the growth and it has been slowly shrinking since then. Today it’s about the size of a half dollar or a little bigger - about 3 times smaller than it was at its largest.

I have given some serious thought to allergy testing and allergy shots. Teegan has been bit by red ants and stung by bees and wasps without effect. It only seems to be the mosquitoes that are the problem and it seems like it’s getting worse. Google tells me he probably has Skeeter Syndrome but it can really only be diagnosed with allergy tests. Unfortunately Teegan is phobic to needles like I am phobic to dentists. I think he even scared the hell out of the ER when we came in just because he was so totally panic-stricken at the thought of needing to give blood or get a shot that he couldn’t settle. It was awful. So for now, we’ll stick with the Benadryl or Zyrtec this summer along with B1 which I have heard makes one less yummy to mosquitoes. We’ll see.

Sunday Dalton was out at The Hill* with his friends when I called him home. Its a long bike ride home. He sped down the hill, coasting along, when at the bottom he realized the chain on his bike had come off and he wiped out. Can I just say right now that this is why I rest so much easier when BOTH my big kids are out together? And also why BOTH my kids will have cell phones on them at all times when they are away from home. All that said, he fixed his bike and came home just fine. He didn’t need to call me, he didn’t need Teegan. But it freaked me out anyway.

Today its raining. Pouring. The old man is snoring. I really REALLY needed this rain break. All the excitement of the Great Outdoors comes with lots of risks and some days I handle those risks better than others. Today I just want to wrap my boys up and keep them safe forever. Of course I know I can’t and I won’t but I still want to.  I know a lot of people are worried about child predators but to me, the bigger child predators are venomous snakes, spiders whose bite can necrotize human flesh and cars that can hit my kids and leave them for dead at the side of the road.

* the hill is a sidewalk on a very steep hill that the kids meet on to ride down, for fun. Doesn’t every neighborhood have a hill?

Today I* took Dalton to get braces.

The first time we ever sat down for an ortho consult was like 5 years ago, in Michigan, when he was 8. Our dentist had already been riding us for a few years at that point! It was never even a question of if,  but, when. When he was 8, braces were the furthest thing from his mind. He did NOT want them, he had no issues with his grin. I held firm to the mindset that they were his teeth, his body and his smile - if he did not want them, I was not going to push the issue.

Then a year or two ago he started saying that he wanted them after all. His teeth were increasingly crowded and uncomfortable, they were difficult to clean and they were bothering him. It was time. And then Tony lost his job and we moved out of state and became broker than broke from all the, well, job loss and long distance moving and all. That was the first of the many excuses. Really there was never a good one and its been a guilt I’ve carried around like a monkey on my back for the last two years.

Last week the kids all had cleaning and our new dentist mentioned the braces again and we had already been giving lip service to finding an orthodontist here in Texas and getting the consult. But enough was enough. I finally called, made the appointment for later in the week, went in, listened to what they had to say and committed on the spot. Less than a week later, we have braces! I feel sort of guilty for not getting a second opinion but I feel like we already HAD another opinion back 5 years ago in Michigan and what I heard here was like music to my ears compared to there. Plus I really really liked the office which, if you are going to spend thousands on braces, I think it matters right?!

I had no idea that braces were a) a lot more affordable than I thought b) a lot more easy to make a payment plan with and c) a lot less painful than they used to be. I almost felt guilty about putting this off for so long but then both my dentist and orthodontist said something that immediately made me feel 1000% better.

Turns out braces are yet another thing that is done differently in the south. Either that or orthodontia theory has changed in the last 5 years. Because when we had that first consult 5 years ago we were told that we were already “too late” for *optimal* care, that Dalton might need extractions, that he should have his teeth done very very soon. Dude, he was 8.  People I know were having their 5 and 6 year olds’ in braces. The oldest kid I knew with braces was 10. And I had gone out of my way to research orthodontists and find one who was conservative in his treatment and would not try to sell me on the most expensive or unnecessary procedure! I can’t imagine what the other orthodontists were recommending at that time. But I distinctly remember sitting in my dentist’s office afterward, having him reprimand me for STILL not having braces on my kid and trying to explain to him that my own child’s opinion about his orthodontia weighed heavily on my decision and omg - you’d think I had just beaten my child with a stick. He was obviously disturbed and offended and I got a lecture on Who Is The Parent and Who Is The Child. Apparently bad parenting begins when you give your child power of the decisions regarding his own body. 

Contrast that with my consult here where the orthodontist actually waivered about doing the work “so soon” at 13 years old and only decided to go ahead because Dalton has a tooth that is not coming down due to crowding. My dentist had forewarned us that they would not do work on kids much younger than Dalton but with my only perspective being the ortho-happy North, I thought she was full of it! And the thing that finally really sold me on this orthodontist was their attitude about wanting kids to be on board with the treatment. They were totally respectful and supportive of my age-old parenting views and instead of lecturing me on my permissive parenting they actually applauded me for bringing in a child who would be far more likely to take care of his mouth and would have a far more successful experience. Very nice. And I actually asked if they would have suggested doing the work earlier and they said no way.  I guess good parenting is in the eye of the beholder.

You know, I was also really stressing about Teegan, at age 10, needing braces and feeling like his window of opportunity had come and gone and how horrible was I to have TWO kids who needed braces YEARS ago! Come to find out they don’t even want to see Teegan for several more years. *love* And that’s a good thing becuase Teegan is totally not interested in braces at this point.

But also I love this place because it is like Club Med. I have to say I wish I needed braces! Haha. The office is SO nice. It is nice on the outside - like a little cottage. It is within walking distance of my house, which is an added bonus (becuase I will almost never have to go BACK to the office with Dalton - I can just send him on his own). It is BEAUTIFUL inside. They use state of the art technology which is sadly ridiculously important to me - the kids check in for appointments via computer, xrays and pictures are all printed out digitally within seconds of the consultation, I get email reminders for appointments, etc. They have TONS Of cool contests and promotions for the kids where they can earn gift certificates to anywhere they love to shop by taking good care of their teeth, showing up on time, etc. The staff are SUPER nice. The atmosphere is SO family-friendly - there is a huge play area with more technology (a touch-screen computer with games, a flat panel tv showing kids movies, etc all inside a safari vehicle in the waiting room!!) and yet another play area with nothing but video games. It was like going to the park! Well maybe it was not exactly so fun for Dalton but when he said that they were practically done putting on the braces before he realized that they weren’t still just cleaning his teeth, I didn’t feel bad for him at all! Plus I think he looks cute in braces!

* And here is where I explain and remind that phobias are, by their very nature, irrational and illogical. It is true that I can not step foot in a dentist office, that I can not have my teeth even looked at without vomiting AND crying and without my blood pressure going through the roof (literally) and can not have my teeth cleaned without sedation, it is true that I spend all day pacing and vomiting and having panic attacks during the days my kids have cleanings (while my poor husband has to take time off work to take them) and often spend several days beforehand completely out of sorts and pissed off at the world (think PMS on steroids) in awful anticipation. It is true I frequently have PTSD flashbacks of dental trauma my kids have endured (or even almost endured) that literally drive me into hysterics provoked by nothing at all. I am sure I need therapy and then some! And yet……orthodontia doesn’t bug me a bit. Not one little tiny bit. I admit that there was one tiny second today when I saw some latex gloves that I almost threw up in my mouth but I reminded myself that latex gloves have many uses outside of dentistry and I was ok. Crazy? A little.

We are rapidly approaching 18 months post-orphanage, Addy’s assigned “birthday” month. I have a lot of new thoughts, observations and realizations to share this month about bonding, attachment, nurture vs nature, adoption and more. In order to make it even remotely readable, I’ll split it up into a few separate posts.

Yesterday Addison had her first dental visit. It was intended to be a “quick peek” to make sure her teeth are coming in well and there are no obvious decay issues so imagine my surprise when Tony called (because if you do not know why it was Tony who took the kids to the dentist yesterday and not me then you really don’t know me at all!!) to tell me that she had x-rays, a cleaning, the full gamut*. Tony was so proud when he told me how amazing she did. He went on to tell me the hygienist said that they had never had such a young patient do so well and asked when she would be three - except she’s not even 2. And the dentist later corrected the hygienist to remind her that they did have one other patient who did so well at that age and, ironically (or not) it was another little Asian adoptee.

This is one of the remnants I still see from life in an orphanage.

For weeks after we first met Addison, she did not cry at all; not when she was hungry or wet or in pain. She was active and happy, she was not a zombie. But she was not ever outwardly unhappy. It was disturbing. When she finally learned to demand what she needed, she would do so but never with a lot of determination. I imagined if we had not lept to meet her needs, she would have given up very quickly.  I see signs of this frequently. She will work to solve a problem on her own for hours with quiet singular determination.  If she is wet, she will take off her wet clothes. If she has an accident on the floor, she will get a rag and clean it up. I know this must be part nurture and part nature. While some parents may live to hear those words “I love you”, I lived to hear the words “Help me, mama”. 

Back when we first came home from Vietnam we took

Addison to get her post-adoption blood workup. The nurses prepared for a battle of a lifetime and I knew - I KNEW - that she would not react at all. She sat through vial after vial of blood, missed veins and drained veins and just smiled and kicked and played.

After reading other blogs about children of similar age, like Lucy and Jack, I realized that when I took Addy to get her first haircut, she just sat and watched stoically. Same with those Santa pictures, a visit to the Easter bunny.

Last week we were at gymnastics and I met a woman who has been part of the national & Olympic gymnastics circuit who pointed out that

Addison has a gymnastics “gift” and by that she meant that she is focused, fearless and does not react much to pain. It was a weird feeling to be both proud and sad.

She is a tough cookie. I can count on one hand the number of times she has hurt so badly that she has cried for more than an instant.  I’ve written before about her disdain for her own tears. We have always made a big deal out of kissing her hurts and showing her that we, her parents, are a source of comfort when she gets hurt. Still, even now, she is just as likely to pick up her own knee and kiss it with her own sweet lips to “make it all better” as she is to come to us for those same kisses. It has been hard fought but she does have her own limits and will finally gratefully let us pass her around for comfort if she is sad or seriously hurt.

Yesterday’s dental appointment made me really think. These parts of Addison’s personality are not predominantly who you see when you meet my baby girl. She is happy, smart, athletic, energetic, funny, silly, empathetic, reasonable, curious, imaginative, loving and so many other things. Isolating these instances and stories highlights just one small part - one remnant - of who she used to be but I want to say that I don’t often hyper-focus or lament this part of her but I do notice it and when I notice it, it does make me sad. It seems so weird to say it but I really do want my tiny girl to kick and scream and be offended at the invasion into her space.  She’s not old enough to really understand what is happening to her and yet she just sits there and takes it. I hope she will learn to realize her power and her voice and use it well to defend herself when needed. We have time and I have full faith that she will find that voice

Is this nurture or nature? That seems to be the age-old question. It is also something I happen to be doing quite a bit of reading about lately.  I’ll save that blog post for another day but suffice it to say I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that both nature and nurture are equally important and likely both at play here. 

* no cavities!