A: One bite at a time.

The night after my birthmom dream, I had another odd dream. This one spoke to me with a sort of premonition in the form of the above question and answer. Very odd, no? Almost laughably odd. I talked to my husband about its meaning and we pondered whether it might be related to what is going on in adoptions, my own personal goals that always seem to overwhelm me, etc. I got my answer only a few hours later when my husband called to tell me he lost his job.

If you know me, you probably are very worried about me right about now but let me reassure you that I’m doing just fine. Excellent, in fact. I took this news in, sat on it, thought about it, processed it and moved on.  Almost like an adult! I just took it in, one bite at a time. And then I did the most amazing thing: I looked at the bright side.  The bright side was so bright it was almost blindingly bright. I have to strain to see the not-bright-side (the dark side?). How did this happen?

I woke up the next morning, bright and early, got my dog and left for a walk. I listened to the birds sing, the frogs croak and the lizards scurry through the brush. I walked with my eyes closed, letting my dog guide me. I soaked in the sun on my face, felt the breeze blow my hair. I filled my lungs all the way full with air and realized how infrequently that happens. It was the most exhilirating walk of my life (and incidentally the first bit of exercise I’ve voluntarily embarked on that did not involve shopping in several years!). It was positively meditative. This morning I did the same. It was much warmer, my out-of-shape muscles actually ached a bit, but equally as exhilirating.  Without even meaning to, exercise and meditation - the top two goals on my own personal goals list - checked off. No pain, no sacrifice, no frustration or resentment. Just pure bliss.

I have a suddenly renewed sense of hope about adoptions in Vietnam. I am dedicated to working on a DNA banking project that I will hopefully have more information to share shortly. I am dedicated to actively working with my government officials in whatever capacity they will have me  - whether it is just letting writing campaigns or more - toward building a better, stronger and more ethical MOU with Vietnam. While maybe bridge-building is not quite happening yet, I feel like there is still evidence of forward movement and this gives me hope for the future of the legitimate orphans in Vietnam. I am tackling these issues systematically and in an organized and methodical way: one bite at a time. And just like that, things seem hopeful again.

Can I blame this all on a dream? Yeah, pretty much. I can’t really explain it any other way. I’ve had normal nights of sleep ever since. And I really know now that if my dreams talk, I’d better listen.  And also that I don’t need to try too hard to read into them or analyze them: their meaning, if they are meant to mean something (as opposed to my normal dreams that are just dreams) will be abundantly clear.

Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown.

None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and wearness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labour’s end.

Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others.

Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered.

Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds.

Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.

Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are.

Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather then blame and condemnation.

You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remose nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on.

Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.

Dhammavadaka

There will not be any pictures in this post for reasons that will soon become obvious.

I’ve been to a dog park before but never with my dog, Lilo. And never in Texas.

Let me preface this by saying that there are real definite differences between “dog culture” in the north and south. In Michigan, it is really difficult to find small or toy breeds to adopt or rescue. They just aren’t available. People seem to take the ownership of these small breeds very seriously and they are hard to come by if not directly from a breeder. They don’t seem to end up in rescue very often. What IS available? Labs and Golden Retrievers by a millions. Here in the south I immediately noticed that there are two breeds of dog: the toy/small breed and the rabid pitbull. That’s what people in the south own, apparently. When we tried to find a Golden Retriever rescue, they actually had very few dogs in need of rescue and the shelters were not overflowing with them at all. It took us about 8 months to finally find The Perfect Dog. Back in Michigan, it probably would have taken 8 hours. I’m definitely thankful for my Lilo - she was worth the long wait, to be sure! Now if I wanted a small breed I could have hooked myself up in a matter of minutes. Same for a scary-ass breed like the pitbull. The sheer number of pitbulls being bred and attempted to be given away or sold is shocking. Every weekend backyard breeders sit in their pickup trucks in empty parking lots and grassy medians with their crates full of killers-in-the-making, trying to offload them while they are still cute (except honestly I think pitbulls aren’t even cute as puppies). In case it isn’t apparent, I think they should be illegal as pets. I think it is unethical to adpot them out or sell them or give them away. I think its irresponsible to put dogs like this into a situation where they will be villainized for doing what they were bred to do. It isn’t fair to the animal, it isn’t safe for the neighborhoods or the children or poor guy who comes to read the water meter! I don’t want them in my neighborhood, I don’t want them at the damned dog park. Ok? Ok.

So today we went to the dog park with Lilo. I thought it would be really fun for her and it would prepare her to be kennelled next month when we are out of town. I didn’t plan really well for this because I failed to consider that if you bring CHILDREN to the dog park, the children need to be above  a certain age (in this case, 9) . But there were a bunch of other 3 year old girls playing inside the dog park so in a moment of sheer stupidity I figured I’d break the rules too and in we all went.

But there were these big dogs. BIG dogs. A rottweiler, a large mixed breed and two - count em TWO - pitbulls along with another bulldog of some sort. And all these tiny little girls running around who were like scooby snacks for these dogs. It freaked me the HELL out. So I held Addison in my arms. Fun.

Then I considered not taking the leash off my dog because really what I wanted to do was run the hell away. But I figured if she was attacked by one of these huge beasts, she would need to run and not be restrained by a leash. So I let her off.

It took me about 5 seconds to realize she didn’t want to be there any more than I did. She was totally freaked out by the dogs. All she wanted to do was hang out with any human willing to make eye contact. Then she wimpered over to the exit gate and cowered until I leashed her and we left. About 5 minutes later there was a huge HUGE dog fight. Who the hell knows what happened to the little girls who, by the way, were playing RIGHT in the middle of the dogs the entire time. And by middle I mean under foot, literally surrounded. I was long gone to the other side of the park (the human park this time) - all I know is that what I heard did not sound good.

We hung out at the skate park and the human park and that was much more Lilo’s style. She had a great time. One our way out of the park I noticed that the dog park was now empty (gosh could the humungous dog fight have caused an evacuation, ya think?!) and so we stopped to try again.

Lilo had a better time this time - she sort of sniffed around, briskly walked once or twice, acted excited about some tennis balls until the balls left my hand (this retriever has NO retreiving desires at all!). Meanwhile the adjacent *small dog* dogpark has two otherwise friendly dogs running around playing just fine when some lady drops in with her two Jack Russell Terriers, lets them in and - bam - dog fight. What the hell, people? If your dogs aren’t well socialized, keep them the hell out of the dog park! So all parties try to break up the dog fight (mostly unsuccessfully) and the owner of the nasty JRTs gets her dogs out of the small dog park so they don’t go back for seconds. Whew - crisis averted.

Except then she lets them in the big dog park! Gosh if they didn’t get along with those other dogs maybe they could come pick on MY dog. Or my kids! Frap. They immediately charge my dog who is now literally frozen with fear. I’m grabbing my kids and dragging them toward the exit as fast as possible and calling to my dog to follow. You’d think the owner of the JRTs would notice and intervene but that would be giving her way too much credit since clearly she doesn’t get that her dogs have some dominance/agression issues. Lilo bolts for the exit and into the safety of the van. So much for the dog park.

Is this how they all are? Why would anyone want to take their dog to a place like this? I think we’ll be sticking with the human parks from now on.

{Noah - 2008 Blue Bonnets}

Sunny
Seventy degrees
Saturday/Sunday

This is the recipe for weekend *perfection*

I have all these blog posts swirling around in my head and was holding out until I finished my adoption/attachment updates but that’s silly. I have them mostly done but every time I edit them, I add more and more and now I’ll have to divide them into even more separate posts. Until then, I’m going to post with random other things of various depth. Today’s post - not so deep!

Saturday morning we went to the big Earth Day festival here which is one of the first things we attended when we moved here last year. It was way better this year thanks to perfect weather (last year it was FREEZING!). We climbed the rock wall (we meaning my kids, not me!), made some crafts (of course), talked to the snake people (of course) and this year we bought some recycled crafts that are really awesome. Teegan is now sporting the coolest Orange Drink wallet EVER! Now I have to figure out how to make them!!! I love the Earth Day festival.

Then we went to the public premier of a large fountain and if there is one thing our community does well it is a public premier. We had the best time watching these guys on stilts who were totally in character:

Then there were the mimes which pretty much freak us out. There was great entertainment, the fountains were lit and exploded to the beat of the music. The kids even had their caricatures made (for free!) which was totally hilarious.

I wonder how long you have to live somewhere before the allure begins to wear off? I just love my community. I’m also just beginning to get to the point that when we go places, we see people we recognize. That has never really happened anywhere else we have lived - no one left their houses and there was just a general rush to get back home and not linger and socialize. Not so, here! I love that there is so much to do, every weekend, for our whole family. There was also a huge art fair and a concert by the lake this weekend but we were beat from the two events we attended. I just love having options right down the street. Add in the options downtown and in adjoining cities and there is never a good excuse to stay home!

Sunday we spent the day catching up on housework and just hanging out. The big kids were gone pretty much all day with friends and Noah swam (brrrr). Then we grilled for dinner. Yum.

Having spent a year here now I have this impending sense of doom: summer (aka too hot to function) will be here *anysecondnow* so we sort of seize the day every day to enjoy the weather while it lasts.

{Addy and her Dalty}