I know waaay back last year I promised a switch to password protected posts. And I diligently gave out the password, the likes of which I no longer remember, and then never once offered up the secret posts.

Well I guess its an annual tradition because here we are again. Yesterday my husband attended a court hearing in which MY blog was brought up by the other party in a ridiculous and failed attempt to wrongly accuse my husband of things in order to extract more money out of our family. Because of the long dark stalker-like history there, we knew that was coming and expected it. And in general, I have always written for the audience and unfortunately I’ve always known that that audience includes some people with really unhealthy attachments to my world and an almost consuming need to be a part of it at any cost and to use it against my family whenever possible. Talk about making a girl feel important!!! So it was expected and rejected.  And also a reminder that my due diligence was not out of paranoia but out of a sad reality. The reality is that no matter what I write, it could ALWAYS be manipulated, contorted, misconstrued, misunderstood, miscommunicated or altered to fit an agenda. I’ve always known and accepted that reality. Bring it on.

I generally have no problem being public about my life because I have nothing to hide despite the past and present attempts to distort my boring life as something far more exciting than it is. I have found that far FAR more good comes of being open than not. I have been lucky that I don’t really have a following of public crazies but in a way, at least the public crazies keep the private ones in check! But there have always been things I wish I could share and talk about that I can’t because I know that my blog is audited by stalkers, unknowns and also by my children.

Mostly I have no desire to password protect my blog. I think its tiresome and hard to remember everyone’s passwords. But I’m going to do it anyway, at least occasionally. Because boy have I got some stories for you!!!!!!!!

So if you have a blog or email relationship with me, drop me a line here and I’ll share the new and improved password.  Let’s give this a whirl. For the rest of you, don’t worry, I won’t stop publicly blogging. The crazies will remain crazies, the stalkers will continue to find a way into my family by any means necessary. But hey, maybe somewhere along the way they will learn a thing or two about adoption, homeschooling, parenting or making dolly diapers! ha.

First about this picture. I had to snap this earlier this week. Addison is obsessed with band-aids, which she calls “bond-ahs”. She will literally go through an entire box in one sitting. Mostly what she loves about them is opening them all, one by one, then pealing off the backs. She’s got some band-aid application talents. She can hold the little white “wings” and apply the center while pulling apart, just like a pro. At any given time you will find a half dozen or more band-aids on either my forehead or my forearm, lined up one by one. On this day she hit her head a little and demanded a “bond-ah” and then needed them for any other little spot on her body. But she had a knee without a band-aid which was the cause for the angst in this photo. She MUST be symmetrical!

What was I saying about this age and how much I loved it? I take it alllll back. In the last week Addison discovered whining. Where? How? How does this happen? The person responsible will be fined and jailed, I will see to it.

Can I just say that whining is a particular pet peeve of mine in general and Addison has it nailed like a pro? Ok I said it. EVERYTHING is whine-worthy. And it doesn’t even mean she’s in a terribly bad mood - she can turn on a dime and turn back again just like that. Its just that everything bugs her and that, in turn, bugs me.

To fully appreciate there must be video, of course.Lets counting the reasons which elicit the dreaded whine:
1) Mom, not Teegan, offered to peel the banana
2) I did not peel the banana *backward*
3) She wanted to watch Diego.

Other point of note about this video: Addison’s new favorite word (of mine) is “delicious” - I love how she says it and she says it spontaneously all the time. I had to really work to get her to say it on video, of course, but its still worth listening to the end for it!

You know, I’ve heard people say that as you get older, you become more relaxed and laid back about certain things. I haven’t found that to be true, so much. For me, I was young and naive (read: stupid) and that led to a certain fearlessness that I miss so much now. I can’t say anything particularly traumatic happened in the last 15 years but as the years go on, I feel more anxious, more fearful about mortality (my own and my kids), generally less at ease.

Lately I’ve had to face some of my anxieties head on. A few days ago I sat outside on my patio and watched Noah swim in the pool, alone. This was a hard one. I was ready to jump in, fully clothed, to save him at any moment. He was darting back and forth through the water, flipping around, laughing and splashing and I was ready so sure was I that he would drown at any moment. He made it out in one piece, a few hours later. I had a headache.

Yesterday we were all in the pool together which generally brings down my anxiety level at least a bit. I was diving into the deep end, doing a little handstand on the bottom and flipping around to come up to the surface when I NAILED my head on the edge of a Bilibo floating by. It hurt so bad that I instantly feared I might pass out right there in the deep end before I could come up to the surface and probably my family would not notice soon enough because as busy as I was keeping on eye on all of them, no one was keeping an eye on me. Oh the drama! In that split second I considered that this could easily be another story of an accidental drowning death - a variation on the “hit head on bottom of pool” story. But I saw the light (the sky this time) and came to the surface where I writhed in pain and whined and complained until I dragged myself out of the pool a half hour later. I am still in agony today, jacked up on pain meds (ok, Motrin but that counts right?).

Ok so it wasn’t such a brush with death but it still hurt like hell and I have the agony to remind me of it all day today.